Orchid: 10 Years Later
My new blog is at www.comecloser.com/blog
August 2009 is the 10th anniversary of the `Orchid’ demo. It was considered my first `real’ work and considered by some to be my best. (Though I vehemently disagree)
For the next 19 weekdays, I will be releasing, each day, a track from this demo. I’m going to share my recollections behind each song, some opinions as well as talk about my life at that time.
At the end of the 19 days, the CD version will be available to buy. It will be a 2 CD collection. Disc 1 will be the 75 minute demo. Disc 2 will be all the outtakes and fragments.
Being that it hasn’t been released for a decade, `Orchid’ is unfinished business. While I have felt that `Torched Laughter’ is a sort of `final chapter’ to this part of my life, `Orchid’ is Ouroboros. We come to the beginning again.
It’s time to give this piece of work it’s due, YET, put it in proper perspective. A lot of what I will be reflecting on will be quite uncomfortable for me.
How `Orchid’ Will Be Posted:
The day that each post and song is due, I am going to listen to each song cold. Whatever memory pops in my head I will write it down. None of these posts will be planned. `Orchid’ was a spontaneous, albeit flawed, experience. It is appropriate to approach each recollection and song the same way.
After the jump is an FAQ, and some scattered thoughts.
Questions About `Orchid:’
If you have any additional questions, please leave a comment. I will answer as truthfully as my ego allows.
Why was it never released?
1) It’s a demo. The recording quality is horrific. The performances were exceedingly worse. I never thought the spirit and intent of the piece would outshine these basic fundamental flaws. To this day I feel this way. When I listened to `Orchid’ I always heard what it SHOULD be, not what it really is. You can’t be expected to do the same.
2) Almost every attempt at re-recording could never capture the emotional state. I have made 3 attempts at re-recording `Orchid’ and each attempt drifted more towards sterility. And those attempts will be posted.
3) For every opportunity that there was to record and release it, there were newer and fresher ideas to do. I eventually took re-recording `Orchid’ as a symbolic affront. The act negates the principle of personal “progress.” I have ruthlessly beaten myself up through the years trying to push my being forward.
Why Release It Now?
The world likes round numbers. Pythagoras liked the number 10 a lot. Lastly, a synergy occurred where those who nagged me about it and my desire to terminate my current incarnation culminated. It’s unfinished business.
I am flattered that some people still want this album. But I think the interested parties are too emotionally invested in `Orchid.’ Without knowing the process and the story behind making it, it lacks the impact I sought to make. Again, just my opinion.
Despite teasing pieces of `Orchid’ over the years and mythologizing it like a sacred lost scroll, it has been a hermetically sealed skeleton of my past that is full of flaws, misguided ideas, and an inconceivable amount of emotional anguish and artistic frustration. Why not air these grievances against myself? Enough time has passed.
Lastly, I don’t have anything new that I want to release under `Christopher’ in 2009. Might as well get this out of the way until I figure out what I want to do next.
Why is it called `Orchid?’
3 women, 3 relationships with the flower. 2 had tattoos of them on their bodies. 1 of them drew these flowers constantly (and ended up being the original demo cover to be posted later on) It was a common affinity that didn’t go unnoticed. Being that `Orchid’ is a concept record that consolidates these 3 relationships into one mega relationship of misery and self pity, it made perfect sense to use this flower as the archetype.
While in this day and age you could probably go to www.girlswithorchidtattoos.com and see how un-unique and unimaginative some women are, back then before complete internet overkill the recurrence of this flower seemed quite sublime.
It really didn’t occur to me that the majority of girls on earth simply LIKE flowers. This basic truism totally escaped me and probably was a key indicator why I ended up in unfortunate situations involving estrogen. But this is a good thing. If not for this obliviousness, I probably would have ended up naming the album I’LL KILL YOU CUNT.
No apostrophe.
In the end, the parallels and causality of the 3 women were consolidated into one relationship; taking experiences and elements of each to create the Uber Misery Relationship that is `Orchid.’
How `Orchid’ Was Recorded Since It’s Too Dreadful to Be Released?
It was your typical 4 Track Cassette Demo. In the 90’s, a Tascam 4 Track Cassette machine was my best friend to record ideas and to deal with being a wayward self-important soul.
Sound samples (like `When The Levee Breaks’) were recorded onto a Minidisc player because the computer didn’t have enough room to hold a sound longer than a minute.
After they were edited on the 386 computer and looped for minutes. Then I would manually sync the Minidisc to the 4 track. I would start the loop about 30 seconds before it was supposed to come in because I would be adjusting the speed of the tape until it matched up. That’s why when you listen to `Orchid’ you hear samples that fall out of time. The first 2 minutes of `My Love’ is a great example of not being able to sync up the tape to the Minidisc.
I didn’t have the technical understanding to buy a bigger hard drive so I could actually record on the computer. I was on the road making a 100 dollars a week lugging musical instruments around that were not my own.
Why Didn’t You Re-Record `Orchid’ Properly?
There were 3 attempts to re-record `Orchid.’
The 1st attempt was that same summer of 1999 at the insistence of a friend. I cannot clearly remember. But I do remember commuting to 2 different Studios twice a week in Wesley Hills and New Paltz, New York. I saved and spent every cent to my name trying to get the most rudimentary stuff done. It took weeks and hundreds of dollars just to synchronize the samples to the music. Neither studio had the proper facilities to do this type of thing at the time. It was my own ignorance that financially killed the `Orchid’ re-recording. I couldn’t afford to buy the DAT tapes that I recorded to.
2nd attempt was when I procured my first Pentium Computer with enough power to record music on it. This attempt was partially successful; `Longing Is…’ `Inside This Place’ `The Taste,’ `Entranced 3.0’ ended up replacing the inferior originals. I was working on my `official’ debut `wer Next Projekt’ at the same time and descending even further into misery; I was resistive to doing anymore `Orchid’ work. Wounds were still fresh and way too attached to the emotions.
The 3rd and last attempt at recording Orchid was just prior to this release. It was my intention to release `Orchid’ as a 2 disc set: Old and new versions together. But as the recording process went on (for just a week) I felt I was wasting my time. It was ugly, turbulent with a subtext of listlessness. I had a feeling of peace when I stopped and decided to just release the original demo. There is no more to add to an already finished story. The re-recording had a distasteful tinge of nostalgia to it.
I ended up re-recording 2 tracks partially: `The Gentle Art of Not Forgetting’ and `Entranced 1.0.’ While the new versions were better sounding than the original and have an air of mature arrangement, they lacked the spirit and intent that made `Orchid’ what it was: Classical angst-ridden heartbreak.
Reflections
Honestly, there are several moments on `Orchid’ that give me uncomfortable feelings. I think the clinical term is `Douche Chill.’ I will point them all out as we go through each song together. I hope to be able to present a balanced view of the album, but there is a lot on there that I think was lazy, inexcusable shit.
In Closing:
Tomorrow begins our journey through `Orchid.’ Just like the album, we are going to ease into the process. Start small, and eventually get to big, more sordid and histrionic experiences.
