Finding The Voice
Songs can be a search for self. They are powerful analogies that reveal parts of your personality all from the safety of your home or crack den. Fight or flight? Interacting with others? Your natural reactions to these situations can be made apparent just by singing a certain song even if you don’t immediately experience them in real life.
Though experience and emotions imbue life into songs, I see no point on focusing on this well discussed aspect. The songs can be the teacher instead.
Per my last entry, the last reason for the vocals taking as long as they did was because I was trying to find my voice. Or rather spiritually speaking, finding an aspect of my self. [Cue peyote ritual and the music of R Carlos Nakai]
While a lot of singers out there know how they are going to sing, know how they are going to deliver the emotion and power, I find myself feeling like a beginner each time I’m about to sing one of the silly songs I wrote. Call it inexperience, lack of confidence, or fortunate enough not to have a set formula yet. The latter is probably a consolation for my ego.
I still feel I am trying to figure out my identity. But it has been fun trying to figure it out. Everything still feels new even after all this time. The downside of this `process’ is all the external stimuli that I feel I am susceptible to:
-Bloggers raving about the latest cool band that mixes growling, singing and the accordion.
-Radio pushing the latest 5th tiered Creed knock-off.
-Some musically ignorant hot chick promoting a doom metal band from Slovakia on the telly.
All this drivel gets absorbed into the psyche and you start to wonder:
Where do I fit in all this?
What ensues is a ridiculous internal conflict that wastes an enormous amount of time. I know the end game: It’s not about fitting in. It’s not about being contrarian for the sake of being an individualistic asshole either. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin and self-acceptance.
I feel the term `to thine own self be true’ is not just a saying but also a strict discipline. It’s way too easy to not be true to yourself because of this primordial urge to belong to something bigger and better than you. [/self help]
But thankfully, all the vocals are done. While it wasn’t a battle or a feat of strength that would cause mothers to squeal in delight, it was certainly a lofty personal challenge. Since `Smoke and Origination’ took 5 years to get done, having 2 different projects completed and ready to mix within 4 months is a refreshing state of being.
Next time I write, I’ll be mixing. An exciting tale of adjusting volumes, repetitive listens, adding and subtracting equalization, among other heart stopping and comedy-filled prose.
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