Guitar Hunting - A Low Impact Adventure

The Missus was looking for a guitar. The playing of the game `Rockband’ really inspired her to learn how to play a real guitar. She had her sights set on 2 different guitars. One makes me cringe, the other I salivate over. BC RICH WARLOCK (yech) and a Ibanez Artcore (YES!)

What can I say, she’s an enigmatic little camper.

BC Rich Warlock. Roar.

 

PART 1: SONGBIRD

Friday we learned that the old music store Songbird was going out of business and was liquidating their stock. We felt it prudent to check out what they had. Got up early Saturday morning and trekked out to Toronto through the snowfall. Parked conveniently in front of the store and waited before they opened.

A gentleman, dressed in an ironic Buddy Holly fashion couldn’t reconcile his coin going into the parking meter. I waited impatiently for about 45 seconds before I frothed out `Let me try that thing already.’ He acquiecsed with a well rehearsed psychotic tick of the neck. I deposited my obviously better constructed coin and received my parking ticket. I offered to assist him with obtaining a ticket, but he politely declined.

Upon entry to Songbird it was plain to see that most of the good stuff was pilfered the night before or they had stock vanishing in the previous weeks. I checked out the percussion, inquired about pro audio gear, and there was nil. The missus stumbled upon a Leopard Print Flying V. It was a…Jay Turser/Wings Hauser model? She loved the aesthetic it conveyed. I was dead set against getting the guitar despite how optically pleasing it was to her eyes. Well, that’s not true. I wasn’t dead set against it. It was more like me grunting out `whatever’ in a petty passive-aggressive manner. Either way, we did not get it.

I can’t find a picture of the Flying V. Instead gaze upon the fine thespian Wings Hauser in its place.

There was a small Kustom amp that cost about 40 bucks that I did pick up for her. Seemed like a decent deal to me. I tried out whatever bottom of the barrel guitars they had left. Some were marginally good, most were awful. Ah well. It’s liquidation.

Missus pointed out to me that the area we were in was `Toronto’s art district.’

I laughed. The reason for the laugh is from the safe mosaic of condos and other traits of gentrification on Queen Street.I don’t have much love for Toronto, but the force of Corporate Cultural Hegemony is heart breaking; no matter which city is the victim.

PART 2: STEVE’S MUSIC

We went further down the road to Steve’s music. Steve’s is an institution in Canada, not unlike that contemptible Sam Ash in America. Steve’s is where I found my first and last true guitar love: Black Gibson Les Paul Standard. It was simply the greatest guitar I ever played. This was when a Les Paul was under 800 bucks. No other Les Paul has come close to this particular one. Alas, I was too young, couldn’t afford it, and living in the USA. It’s not like I could have asked them to hold it for me for 12 months until I was able to save up the money. Though I wish I did think of the layaway option.

Steve’s had only some high end Hollowbody guitars and I was thankfully underwhelmed by them. But the sales rep was dynamite. We explained that we were looking for a very specific Ibanez model (AF85) and we weren’t really interested in any others. Through some sales magick he made some calls, located this very one in a store in Ottawa: still in the box, untouched by douchey hands playing `Seek and Destroy.’ The model was discontinued and the price SLASHED. `Avanti!’ I say.

In a week or so I’ll be going back to Toronto to try it out. If it’s good, I’ll take it. If not, there’s another one I have my eye on.

Notice that it’s about me now.

 Part 3: Guitar Shop

Guitar Shop is a small out of the way store with great variety with the unfortunate side effect of being a bit more expensive than the mega franchise counterparts. This is the part of the story where things take a ridiculous turn. The Missus explains to the shop owner what we were looking for. And the owner suggested some other Ibanez models that he had. The first up was an AS-73. Price? $400 or less.

The feeling I got off this dual cutaway hollowbody guitar was astonishingly good. I had a blast playing it. Fudged through some slow solos and an Opeth song which the shop owner’s daughter (I think) recognized (”Beknighted.”) Tried out some jazz, some Killing Joke, it all worked ridiculously well on the guitar. I didn’t try any of my own material, though I should have. I let everyone know that that guitar really was the Bee’s knees.

In an unexpected turn of events, another Ibanez was thrusted upon me by the shop owner. Little pricier with gold hardware. I was unenthused. After that, the owner again, arbitrarily, gave me a Taylor electric. One of those Les Paul kind of ones. Very pricey. Even less enthused with it. So, guitar after guitar was given to me and all were received cooly by me. They sucked. The owner perpetually gave me the RAISED eyebrow. I kept cracking jokes to make everyone laugh and to dispel the wierdness that was surfacing.

I got this eyebrow.

Lastly, the coup de grace, was a $2,600 Gibson ES-something something hollowbody. 175, 163, 336, I can’t recall. It had fancy fretmarkers and looked like an pompous ass.

Verdict? Shit just like all the others.

$400 Ibanez wins.

The owner finally confessed that he himself owns an old Ibanez hollowbody from the 70’s and says nothing compares to it. Was this a test of some sort and I passed? If so, it was not nearly as cool as an 80’s kung fu movie montage. I didn’t learn the death fist or an impractical kick.

Part 4: Long and McQuade

After much cute complaining from the missus, we went to Long and McQuade. Only last week they had a beat up BC Rich Warlock for 150 bucks. I guess I said in passing the last time we were there that `it’s not going anywhere. Crappy guitar.’

Well I was wrong. Apparently there are many people with shit taste in guitars. Missus not withstanding. It was verily gone.

I had to endure endless cute pouting and cute blame after leaving Long and McQuade for the missus is still BC Poor. (kneeslapper!)

Oh, and Davaki, thanks for the microphone advice. I really appreciate you being honest instead of trying to sell me garbage.

Part 5: Guitar World.

I was set on going home for I was getting tired. The missus continued on her cute pouting which was getting incrementally less cute. I decided on making one last stop: Guitar World.

Guitar World is only 4-5 years old. I remember when it first opened all it had were BC Rich guitars and crap. The owner was very nervous, stressed, depressed. The usual stuff when you aren’t sure your store will be successful.

Fast forward those 4-5 years and behold! A very happy, almost obnoxiously happy owner greets us. Very few BC Rich guitars left (thankfully.)

Oh, but there were 2. Missus INSISTED I try them. The first one was horrifically bad. It had sound holes the shape of daggers. It buzzed, squealed and sounded eerily like a nagging wife. The Missus began to understand what I’ve been trying to say all this time and agreed it was dung. But she likes the aesthetic beauty of the BC Rich Warlock. Not it’s playability. Fair enough.

The last guitar was a BC Rich Acoustic Warlock. But this guitar has no functional ability as an acoustic. It has some pretty small sound holes but the rest of the guitar is solid wood. So it sounds like an electric guitar unplugged. When you plug it in it does have an acoustic Ovation `plugged in’ sound. A sound I despise.

The missus’s eyes glaze over with desire. It’s apparent she has found the guitar of her dreams, and a strange incarnation of it. `No’ was not going to work this time.

So, a few dollars lighter we go home with an Acoustic BC Rich Warlock. Her affect was beyond radiant.

Part 6: Lesson

She picked up real quick on the guitar. She knows a few chords, the blues scale, the `Paranoid’ riff and can improvise a melody while jamming. All learned within an hour. And she’s playing everyday.

I think it was money well spent.

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~ by ikonowerk on February 14, 2008.