Torched Laughter Studio Diary: Day 19 - Dear White Boy
I think percussive shakers are one of the greatest basic inventions. From silly looking eggs to big wooden ones with faux native american artwork on it, I love them all. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 days. Due to extenuating circumstances, I’m only priviledged to record for only a handful of hours each day at this time.
Sidebar:
At 5:52pm each day this week I get out of my car and hear the following blaring from a house near mine:
THE BITCHES LOVE ME AND THE RAPPERS OWE ME…(garbled garbled garbled) N*GGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *
Oh lovely. Looks like the token white boy with a cultural identity crisis on the block has his window open and is communicating in the only way he knows how.
Dear over entitled disaffected 16 year old:I am aware you are full of angst and confusion. I am also aware you are whiter than a klansman’s hood. Would you mind lowering the bling bling rap a little? I hear you giggle like a girl when you yell out the word `n*gger’ in unison with the artist and your equally defective friends in the comfort of your home. Keep you and your rapper’s limited vocabulary to yourself.I understand you. You have communicated what you needed to communicate. Your hero likes shiny things. He uses racism as a weapon and enjoys women of many colours. He’s an enigma. You want to be that as well.However you’ll inevitably gain a low T-cell count and a cursory knowledge of spackling in your underutilized life.
A) You live in a country that has a national health care system
B) You are male and white in a white dominated section of Ontario
C) Your worst fear is not having beer on a Friday
D) I know your mom, she works hard to ensure you are ok. Heck, she even ensures your Fridays are filled with beer.
E) Your friends are uneducated fuckwits who will only bring you down. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way. enjoy the drive to sewage country.
You want to piss everyone off. You rebel. I get it. You’re the bastion of teen badassery. I fall to my knees and genuflect at your smooth boy feet because you listen to `edgy’ music loud. If you had a gun you’d hold it sideways, miss the intended target and hit an innocent child. Just like they do in real life on Jane & Finch street in Toronto. Live the dream mongoloid. Live the dream.
I should bring over some Saul Williams, Cool Keith or Aceylone for you to listen to. Maybe even some french rap so you can safely get your multiculturalism on without feeling like you’re compromising your hard earned cred of fleeing from cops who politely ask you to lower the volume. The glazed terrified look in your eye is priceless. You jump a fence like a champ.
If you’re going to listen to rap, listen to something with some fucking substance ok? It’s obvious the crap you are listening to was specifically manufactured for marketing meat like yourself. You’re listening to the ghetto equivalent of KISS and that’s pissing me off more than the volume and your overt racism.
…………….I just found out he’s 23.
Ok, disregard everything I have said and just die.
And since I do not know WordPress’s policies on free speech, the word `n*gger’ is transparently censored in the event they are overwrought with pious political correctness.
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